ecoNOmy

I have to say, I have never felt more grim about where things are headed, or what kind of future my kids will have, than I do now. Even after Sept 11. I worried. But not like now.

Spending this much money for banks, when it didn't work before, and the government intrusion, (health care like the DMV, and all the pork, and the loads of $ the country doesn't have.) I really am starting to think my children will not be better off than I have been. I grew up poor, but with hard work I put myself through school, and we've managed to be okay. I don't know if those types of things can happen on this current course. I find I am sobered more often in spirit, and my thoughts wander as I kept wondering. It's not just me.

I start to go to humor when these types of things happen, because worry won't solve anything. The tension needs to break. What's a 'stimulus package' anyway...? "Well, As Michael Scott would say...that's what 'he said'." Or "a stimulus package is what Chris Brown wanted to give Rihanna just before he bit her, because she said, 'I have a headache'."

Yes, it's a coping mechanism. I have to learn to trust my divine Father. I do, in general. And each day, in these times, I'll get more chances.

new eyes to see...new blog

I started a new blog at wordpress (LifeAsPrayer.wordpress.com) to cover ideas in my book project and take them from the book into regular life. I didn't think I'd need a new blog for that, but it seems right. I think I might merge the emergingPA blog there at some point.

At emergingPA.blogspot.com I'm giving out freebies all month in Feb, b/c of my birthday. I'm sharing the love. It feels nice.

From current reading (assigned)

You, the great homesickness
we could never shake off,
You, the forest that always surrounds us,
You, the song we sang in every silence,
You dark net threading through us.

(Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, NY: Riverhead, 1996, p. 70)

Candy

Okay, I have to admit, not eating these is hard.

It's like they're looking right at me.

Darkness

I've been pondering the links between darkness and growth.

I have most often (as many do) thought of darkness with negative things or hidden things.

But now I am encountering it in a new way as of late. We dream in darkness. Seeds germinate in darkness. Winter season, the needed time of dormancy in a normal cycle of a year, has long periods of darkness-short days, long nights. These are not bad things.

And I've been thinking of "the dark night of the soul"...silence, for the better.

UPDATE on fast

Success.

chocolate intake in general is down too.

I did enjoy a wonderful donut yesterday (glazed and chocolate covered). I split it up and had it last night and this morning.

Will I go three weeks... Class starts tomorrow.... Vending machine. GULP.

Fasting-starting with M&Ms

I've decided to add Fasting to my "rule of life" as a spiritual practice. I am starting with M&Ms. This sounds like a small thing. But, you don't have a close up of my thighs, and don't know the huge quantity of candy I've had this year. You'd think I made a New Year's resolution to eat 8lbs a month. I love the peanut + chocolate combo. Well, I'm going to practice restraint. I'm going without my favorite candy for three weeks. Starting now. (I'm chewing my last three) After I swallow these, that's it! Sure this doesn't sound so big a deal, but I get these CRAVINGS! usually after supper. I buy in bulk and I still have some in the house, so it could be hard.

The way fasting is helpful is that when you feel the pain of want you pray and focus (or refocus) on God, his provision, and worship him. He is a sustainer.

Have you ever fasted? How did it go?

Give it a try, on a small scale. Maybe just skip one meal (like lunch) in a week. Or withhold a typical treat.

HERE I GO!