Bird Calls Getting me Out of Bed

A strange and beautiful thing has been happening to me, a consummate night owl. Birds are singing me awake in the a.m.. One day it was a turtle dove saying what sounded like, "Come one, Come one!" and I was beckoned to get up for my morning walk. This walk is wonderful. I examine my dreams, I pray (thanking God, praise him for his world, and lifting up others on my mind). I really have never been a morning person, and I still don't think I am, but this new habit is very refreshing. 

I'm starting to really be captivated by the calls of the birds I hear as I walk. They are so busy in the morning. I heard a woodpecker this week as he was getting breakfast out of a tree. I may have to start studying the bird calls of local birds. I think they might be talking about me, or maybe they have important things to say that I should know. : )

self-contempt

What a shock it is to trace back problems social, spiritual, emotional, occupational, or otherwise in and around me, (with myself and others) all the way back to self-contempt. That, or pride, which is rather the a kind of funhouse mirror image are really the main things going on. Both are sin, if you will. The type that is both human (and not making us worthless) but unavoidable, brokenness that cries out to be whole and remedied, and, of course, one always hopes, forgiven. One wants to be spared, even from one's self, if possible, sometimes. But I don't know if we realize this "why" of how we suffer silently, or very loudly, or drag others into our perils and haunts. This odd barb of contempt is just under the skin, but with little, or big, veins into the deep of us, the muscle of our hearts, sometimes hurting and squeezing us.

So, I wonder at the hugeness of it sometimes. The cloud of it, and it's great undoing. I push breathlessly against it, if truth be told, far too much than I have been aware. And much more than I wish too. And I am beginning a journey to untie knots, even if my fingers callous and bleed.

Appraisals

We had our house appraised. In seven years, it's done well.

I've been thinking it doesn't translate to people. It's not really the same on the human level to the stuff of the soul, the whole person. People age, deteriorate, and beyond that on the interior, even with great effort people often don't improve 35%, 45% percent or better in seven years, do they? If they are not trying to get better, my guess is that they indeed depreciate. Like dairy, they "go bad." How much does the human character improve in two years, or five? How much does spiritual formation develop in a normal year for a well-fed, pampered, indulgent American? The church fathers and mothers wrote that suffering and struggle were often helpful for improvement.

Of course it's hard to gauge improvement quantifiably, and I don't really believe it is most important. My point is to say, we can't let our homes of wood and stone out due us, accumulating advantage with time, and getting better with age as we regress in some ways.

How would you appraise yourself, in all honesty? (How would I?) If you had a camera attached on you, unaware for a week, how would viewers appraise you? (I'm thinking about this for me too.)