How not to Accept an Award-Tips for Mariah Carey (for next time)

Some of you may have seen video Mariah Carey try to accept an actress award in Palm Springs January 6th, 2010.

If not, see it here.

If you are Mariah Carey, or you ever have to accept an award soon, follow these few tips to avoid making a goofy fool out of yourself.

1. Stop drinking excessively a few hours before receiving your award, swinging around in someone's arms, or moving too much in tight clothing. Better yet, hold off on the booze.

2. Drug use has an unpredictable effect. Your normal level of LOOPY will only be amplified, so "Just Say No."

3. Sudden clapping, especially when you aren't so sure why you are doing it, is not advisable. It screams, "space cowboy."

4. Having a nanny, or au par may be a wise choice for your evening, especially if public drunkenness has been a reoccurring issue. Yes, Lindsay Lohan, this means you, too.

5. The more you talk, the more you'll slur. It's just a simple fact.

6. If you have to admit, or want to admit, to the audience that you're trashed, your planning for your evening has gone ghastly wrong. In this case, admitting is not the first step. The first step is asking your escort to accept your award on your behalf, or turning the limo around, or going straight to the after party, where you'll likely wake up near the toilet in about 7 hours anyway.

7. Short award speeches are best. Ge grateful, be humble, and don't ramble-EVER-especially if you're smashed out of your mind.

Readers, now it's your turn:

What advice would you give?